Friday, September 21, 2012

Apple I am coming for you!!!

I am announcing here to family and friends that I am going to take Apple to court.

This is not a frivolous lawsuit.  Oh no, this is for the entire enchilada.

Here it is:

I.  The use of the number "5"  I have used the number 5 for at least 60 years and did not give Apple the right to use it.

II. Apple claims the new iphone is thinner.  I have been told I am thinner than President William Howard Taft.  I did not grant Apple permission to use the word "thinner" that was applied to my stature at least 60 years ago.

III. Apple claims the iphone is "very capable."  In the third grade my teacher told my parents I was "very capable" of attaining a better grade than a B.  That was in 1953.  Steve Jobs wasn't even born yet.  No, Apple does not have the rights to that term.

IV.  Apple claims it's A6 chip is "twice as fast."  I raced Sheldon Katz down 75th Street in 1958 and won.  I reached the corner when he was just half way down the street.  Therefore I maintain I was "twice as fast."  Sorry, Mr. Cook, you lose.

To all of the lemmings waiting in line at Apple stores nationwide, be aware that I will soon own Apple and plan to ban those silly tables and paint the walls Phiilies red.  And those blue shirts will now also be Phillies red.  And all ipads will be Phillies red.  iphones, too.  So get ready.

Apple may settle this thing by responding to my blog.

I will start at 10 figures.